What nobody tells you about losing weight

The key to confidence is definitely NOT shrinking yourself to acceptance.

I feel super sweaty and nervous writing this. I’m convinced if I’m to succeed as a writer, journalist, professional shit poster then this substack needs to take off. So I’ve decided to get personal.

As I contemplated procrastinated on what my second substack should be, it made me ponder the inner workings of this blog. What should my angle be? Should I focus more on environmentalism, social justice, or personal rambles? Longform or quick chats? An unedited stream of rants or well-structured pieces of journalism? 

Then it hit me. Just like a person my blog could be multifaceted and like my ADHD you’ll never know where it’s going or what will happen next. So there is the recurring theme that links my blog (and personal life) together: who knows what’s going on so you’ll get a little bit of everything. A bit like a lucky dip: how exciting! (and often a little disappointing..)

Glad we’ve cleared that up, now on to my substack which has a bit of a different flavour to my first 👇

What nobody tells you about losing weight

Growing up, one thing made me stand out from many of the other kids around me. Priming me as the perfect target for a barrage of bullying for most of my school life: my weight. 

Growing up fat was an awful experience for me. From getting called a fat cow on the playground, being told guys won’t like me, or hearing my friends laugh about how my butt bounced up and down as I ran, it was something that I could never escape from. My whole identity given to me by others was around being fat. 

So when I left my hometown to start university and began losing weight through healthy eating and exercise I thought I had found a way out of the constant stares, the sniggering, and talking about my body. I thought I could just be appreciated for me instead of my weight. I thought I had finally found freedom. How wrong I was!!

Losing the kilos did not lose the stares, the body talk, or dysmorphia, it just changed them. Instead of becoming free, I became more constrained by this idea of weight. My whole personality and outlook came to be “If you’re not losing weight and people aren’t commenting on it then you’re not good enough.” 

I had conflated my weight with my worth so much that when I put on weight I refused to catch up with friends I had not seen in ages to not disappoint them in being fat again. 

Nobody tells you that when you lose weight all compliments will be about how you look

Nobody tells you that when you lose weight the body dysmorphia doesn’t disappear with the kilos

Nobody tells you that when you lose weight people will start treating you differently; more nicer, more friendlier, more considerate

Nobody ever tells you that when you lose weight the hardest thing to lose will be your mindset

Since I first lost over 20kgs and went from what society would class as fat to thin, I’ve had to contend with the mental toll that comes with it, the thing that nobody ever tells you about - how you feel about yourself. Not yourself as in your physical self, but your mental self. 

The body checks, the clothes pulling, and the constant sucking in my stomach did not go away when I lost the weight. Instead, it was magnified. Little did I know, the real battle wasn't with the numbers on the scale, or the size of my stomach but with the unhealthiness of my mind.

A 2014 study from University College London followed 1,979 overweight people for 4 years. The researchers found that people who lost weight were nearly twice as likely to be depressed as people who gained or maintained their weight. These results highlight the need to investigate the emotional consequences of weight loss.

I’ve gone from extreme to extreme multiple times since my first “weight loss journey” in 2016/17. Using and punishing my body to deal with the insidious thoughts in my head. Stuck in a constant loop of external validation and bodily conformation. Waiting to hear the one thing that could stop me from feeling like an outsider in my own skin…

The one thing I wish everybody told me about losing weight

You are enough and worthy of love no matter what you look like.

When I lost the negative mindset about myself, when I threw away the inner critiques from school bullies, family, and friends about being “fat and fugly” I found the thing I had always wanted: acceptance.  

🗣️ SAY IT LOUDER 🗣️

No matter what you look like, no matter your weight, skin colour, height, or hair: you are valid as you are! You are worthy of love and acceptance.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE ENOUGH. ❤️

I hope reading this allows you to escape a mindset that is holding you back.
Go into your day with love and acceptance. 

See you next time!
Court xx

Citation: Jackson SE, Steptoe A, Beeken RJ, Kivimaki M, Wardle J (2014) Psychological Changes following Weight Loss in Overweight and Obese Adults: A Prospective Cohort Study. PLoS ONE 9(8): e104552. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0104552